Never shall we forget the thousands that died that terrible day, and the many more that continue to die from digging with barehands and breathing the toxic dust clouds that hung in the air at Ground Zero. Keep in mind the thousands that suffer from severe and permanent psychological effects from watching people jumping 90 stories out the windows, trying to escape the searing inferno that burned their flesh, hearing the endless screaming come from all directions, sitting with 911 calltakers who had to helplessley hear people die over the phone, bodies pulverized in less than a second from the weight of the floors comign down upon them, victims realizing that they are going to die and dieing together.... in the thousands, emergency crews finding shredded arms, legs, heads, hands....all imaginable body parts, raining down on them, the smell of searing flesh and toxic smog, the doctors and nurses trying to amputate limbs on site in order to save lives.....shall I go on? I talk about reality, not some watered down media versions of what happened. And that Fire Department chaplain who's death number was 0001. Those twin towers were a death trap.

 

Remeber...and never forget.

This year seems to be the year for untimely losses and changes. I have noticed that many people I know have gone through some sort of crisis. I was the one who was hit with it first; the very unexpected and sudden death of my mother. There has been a lot of major financial losses with some of my friends, relationship collapses and deaths. These life-changing events seem to be this years' theme. And it only seems to get harder as time goes on,....at least for me. The pain is still there. It has almost lost it's initial sting but the loss is still very deep and it overshadows me everyday. I don't remember grieving being this complex when I lost my father at the age of 14. Perhaps I understood it better when I was younger than I do now.

 

School is back in session, which means the starting of fall soon. I am not looking towards anything with my usual childlike amazement because my mother isn't going to be here to share it with me. This is the first ever time, in my entire life, that I have started anything without her. Not to say that I was dependent upon her, but I mean she was always there to anything with; the start of fall, packing away the summer clothes and bringing out the sweaters, seeing the leaves fall from the trees and scatter over the grass and sidewalks...little things that mean so much now.

Only people who have lost a parent can truely understand how I feel. What really caught my attention was the death of Steve Irwin, known as 'The Crocodile Hunter'. His death was sudden too. I look at the two children that are left behind and I see myself. Everything that is happening this year seems to be sudden, untimely, a crisis, and seems to result in loss, mourning, bereavement and pain.